Why?

A few weeks ago I found myself breathing a very deep sigh of relief when my therapist did not broach the subject of my two year long dating dry spell. However, as I thought about it, I decided to do something about it and in doing so continue to be the super patient, so next month I can offer her the brilliance of my action.

Or so I thought. What I had conceived as brilliant quickly became a horrible mess. I quickly realized that trying to jump with both feet into the world of dating Christian men would pose to be as difficult as trying to find a pair of size 8 pumps at an end of season sale.  In recent years I have opted to avoid the stress and existential crises that, for me, seemed to come with dating in the evangelical sphere. I have for the last five years opted to cut my emotional losses and date non-Christians or nominal Christians. It may seem counterintuitive to some but for myself it made much more sense. I did not have to address any of the Church encouraged or even sanctioned gender roles, for myself and for the men I had been dating. I did not have to worry that what I was saying could emasculate my partner or that my desire to not give birth to children could be interpreted as being willful against God's call for myself.

So then why am I back in the Evangelical dating world, now a local in a foreign land or maybe more so a foreigner in what I thought was charted territory?

When I started my degree two years ago I realized that while I might have more in common with the marginally interested in faith or completely apathetic, I could not ultimately have the kind of long term partnership I desired, one that did involve some degree of faith. As such quickly I found myself stuck. I was straddling or more lady like sitting sidesaddle on the fence I perceived between the world and Evangelical Christianity. It might not even be a fence, it might be a wire or it might a large swath of barren land between the two sides, as I am truthfully not even sure where I stand with regards to either side. Wherever I may be sitting (with my ankles locked), standing or running around like a ninny (mostly this option) I have come to the realization that there is much to be re-charted and translated if I have any hope of understand where I am and what I am truly looking for. So on that note, the journey must begin.

Has anyone seen a map?