Wednesday, 4 June 2014

One of the Reasons We Cannot Have Nice Things...

According to the Twitter hive mind Relevant's new article on dating is the source of amazing advice. Given that Relevant is the voice of 20 something evangelical culture I thought I would check out this advice. The whole article came be found here, so feel free to read it and form your own opinion. My opinion? It is well intentioned but it comes from an author who has a clear vision of how gender relations work. But issue really at issue his guidelines:

1. "Is inspired: Art is original, not copied nor recycled. Going through the motions is cheap and disrespectful."

Does it really need to be "inspired," but I do think it needs to have some sense of purpose or thought. At the end of the day the dinner and a movie format is not horrible nor it fabulous, but like the wheel, it works and achieves its function.

2. Is asked by name: Be open to getting to know someone as friends outside of a proper date, but reject the “sneak-a-date,” which is the lowest form of pursuit.

Okay I'll give him this - pseudo dating is not okay with me, you're either friends or you're seeing if there is something more.

3. Is asked in person: If you are not ready to ask in person, then you aren’t ready for anything that follows anyway.

Okay - I'm going to be lame here but I'll totally take a phone call, heck even a text message if that is what it takes, as a single 31 year old woman.

4. Is asked well in advance: You have no obligation to respond to last minute hang out requests and lazy nondescript invitations. See #2.

5. Is asked one at a time: No good can come from trying to cultivate romantic feelings for more than one person at a time.

Yes and no - I think the expectations need to be really clear and with full preparation to clear the deck once it is more than a few casual get to know you dates with a person. I have dated two guys at the same time and it was actually clarifying.

6. Is a three part date: This means “coffee” is not a proper date and never was. Sorry. If there is no plan the date is void. See #2.

Actually I do think coffee is a perfectly fine entrance date to someone you really don't have any idea who they are (either a set up or a someone you might of met while slightly intoxicated on sangria), however, I will say that if you are genuinely interested then this is a not a great place to start.

7. Is followed up the next day: The rest is up to you, but let nothing stop you from at least thanking the person for their time, no matter how the date went.


If you don't drive said person home and for example they are taking the bus home, then text to make sure they get home safe. But if you're not interested you better not be following up, EVER, if you are and you're not already regularly conversing then maybe but only if you're prepared to set up another date.